I was twenty-three when my husband and I decided to divorce. The months afterwards were a torrential emotional storm of confusion, doubt, and anxiety. Then one night, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine online. That small conversation was one of the most important things to ever happen to me in my life. It took weeks of analyzing every facet of every emotion before the epiphany occurred. Why was something so simple so hard for me to figure out? I realize now that is because no one ever told me that I was gay. We talked for a while, until out of the blue she asked me a question that took me by surprise.
“So, uh... I want to tell you some thing really important...” my friend said over an instant message. “...and it may seem weird... but I really really want you to know because I think you're a cool person, but I don't want you to think different of me...” She was a gay. I remember thinking that her sentence's tone of awkwardness was perfectly complimented by her usage of ellipses.
“Oh, I am cool with that. Don't worry!” I assured her. “I'm really happy you trust me enough to tell me!”
“Of course I trust you! But... I also wanted to tell you... that I really really like you...” That's right, she confessed her feelings to me. It wasn't the first time some one had confessed their feelings of attraction to me, but it was the first time a girl had approached me with these sentiments.
I told her nicely that I was straight, and ended the conversation politely by going to bed, but I didn't get much sleep. Thoughts raced through my head, followed by excitement, which was followed by confusion. Why did I feel this way? My emotions conflicted with what I knew was true, and the truth was that I was straight. This was a truth I had accepted as far back as I could remember.
When I was young I would watch cartoons about princes and princesses with my cousin who was three years older than me, who also thought she was older.
“I think Prince Eric is really cute. When I grow up, I want to marry him.” My cousin would muse. She would often talk about boys, and even had a subscription to those magazines that featured boys, and other magazines that had tips about makeup, and how to dress attractively. “I want to get married happily ever after, and have two kids. One boy, and one girl. What do you want to do when you grow up?”
“I want to win a Nobel Prize!” I answered excitedly.
“No, no, no...” My cousin responded. “What kind of guy do you want? How many kids?” At the time, I really hadn't thought about it. Pictures of princes, and boys on t.v. flashed through my head, but none of them seemed appealing. “I think you would look good with Zack from Saved from the Bell.” She responded for me. As I grew older I kept trying to find an answer to her question, but no one fit. Instead I would date boys that my friends approved of.
“Wow, Steve is hot. His family is rich too. I can't believe he asked you to the dance!” My friend wooed. A month later I ended things with Steve after a heavy make out session because I really wasn't into him. This was the trend with all my high school boy friends. They would either move on because the physical parts of the relationship weren't going as far as they wanted it, or I would break it off. I made an exception for my marriage, but the disinterest in sex didn't go unnoticed.
“Why don't you like kissing me?” He would often ask while we were being intimate. “I feel like you don't like it when I touch you.”
“I just don't like sex.” I explained. “I hate the way it makes me feel.” It was the truth and a lie at the same time.
“How can you hate it? It is suppose to make you feel good.” It did make me feel good in the moment, he was right, I would orgasm, so what's the problem? Why did I feel so disgusting after the “moment” had passed.
“No...” I hesitated so I could find the right words. “I think it's me. I guess I just don't like sex.” And that's how it was through the duration of my marriage. I wish I could say that was our only conflict, but it wasn't.
“You have a crush on her!” Were the words of a friend that made most of the pieces fall in place. I hadn't realized I was talking about her again. She had asked me out on a date, but I had left her offer open-ended. After some time of conflicted contemplation, I took her up on her offer, and then the rest of the pieces came together. I learned that there was nothing wrong with me when it came to enjoying sex.
“I don't know how I never noticed!” I remember my mom saying once after I had come out to her. I don't know how she could have noticed when I hadn't realized it myself. I was too busy living up to the expectations of normalcy that I never thought I was gay. I hated any sort of intimacy with men so much I never thought to apply it to women. As for my relationship with my first girlfriend? We had a very rewarding two year long relationship that didn't work out in the end, but we are still friends.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Observation Paper Revision
If you spend any time online interacting with strangers, you know that they can be rude and uncouth with little to provoke them, and for what seems like no reason at all. Or worse, people will be say things they know are morally, and socially unacceptable for the purpose of getting an outraged reaction out of others. I consider myself an “online junkie” and I have from time to time been guilty of unforeseen outbursts on the Internet. I know that the majority of Internet users are at least guilty of the same actions as me, albeit they are usually unintentional. I feel confident in saying that almost everyone on the Internet has encountered moral and socially unacceptable behavior at least once in their online experience. All rules of civility and respect seem to have no solid ground on the Internet. The Internet is a refuge from a world where one is held accountable for the things one says and does. I've seen housewives, parents, pet owners, doctors, lawyers, students – the list can go on forever – loose their dignity over text on a screen. I've heard grown adults screaming into their expensive, and sensitive, microphones over an intangible object in a video game.
There are of course, exceptions to the seemingly unspoken rule of anarchy on the World Wide Web. People have incriminated themselves through social networking mediums, such as Facebook. These occurrences have resulted in losses of anything from jobs to marriages. Some lucky contenders manage to land themselves a stint in their friendly-neighboorhood correctional facility. But usually people can say the most vile things –- like racial slurs – without ever having to face the consequences – an angry mob consisting of the offended.
One group of online users who are interesting to observe in this light are the online gaming community at large. Gaming communities are a little different, and I stress the use of the word “little”. I find that most of the time, the mature adults who like to indulge in online gaming are pretty civil. I believe that this is because in lots of popular online games, players tend to create a virtual representation of themselves through a character. The more time the player invests in the game, the more invested they become in their virtual representation. When one has invested years into a game, one tends to avoid the type of behavior that would get him or her undesirable consequences of reckless behavior. For example, it is common for players who violate Terms of Service (TOS) agreements to have their characters banned from the game. However, not all online gaming services guarantee protection from reckless behavior of players through a TOS agreement.
One example of a popular online gaming service that is more than a little lax on enforcing their TOS is Microsoft’s Xbox Live. This service allows Xbox gamers to connect online and play their favorite games with or against their friends and strangers. Xbox Live is for many different kinds of gamers, from the casual gamers, to the competitive gamers who end up playing games much more like a sport than a hobby. Microsoft rarely bans anyone for social misconduct; they only ban for cheating and hacking. Instead they place the burden of conduct supervision on the gamers. They accomplish this through a system designed to allow players to rate the people they play with as being good or bad players. You can avoid other gamers, or prefer other gamers, but this has no real consequence to the person being rated (outside their interactions with you). Even the most offensive gamers can continue gaming to their heart’s content all while spewing offensive, misogynistic, racial, hateful, and ignorant slurs to anyone they encounter. Even after being rated negatively. This also leads to some shocking, but amusingly offensive gamer tags.
Gamer tags are the handles in which gamers go by on Xbox Live. Think of it as your Xbox Live name. You can some times anticipate an unsavory gamer by their gamer tag. If you find yourself starting a match with someone by the gamer tag of “xxGreasyballsxx” , it is safe to assume you have a potential hooligan in your presence. The “x” in front of the name typically indicates that this person was not the first to think that “Greasyballs” would be an appropriate gamer tag.
In my time on Xbox Live I have tried to reason with these virtual delinquents only to receive unsavory results. One such occasion took place upon my breaching the subject one day, with one rather rowdy young man on Xbox Live. In response to my efforts at communication, he retaliated with a comment about my mother! My mother! Stooping to their level doesn't seem to phase them either. During one match one young woman relentlessly called me racial slur after racial slur, I lost my temper, and found myself without any control over my actions. I told her she sounded like a cow! To which she replied I sounded like a “fat negro.”. The temerity!
Another fallacy of social conduct that one may expect on Xbox Live is the concept sportsmanship. Your teammates can, and will, betray you at any moment allowing the other team to win! I have been shot at by a teammate because they did not appreciate my appearance. I have also been shot at because I found a shotgun, and my teammate wanted it for himself! These instances are not uncommon and
I have decided that the Internet as a whole is no place for any person who requires a sense of social decorum at all times. Xbox live is certainly a reflection of this assertion. In the end, it comes down to two options. Play with friends and family whom you trust, or be prepared to face the wrath of the Internet.
There are of course, exceptions to the seemingly unspoken rule of anarchy on the World Wide Web. People have incriminated themselves through social networking mediums, such as Facebook. These occurrences have resulted in losses of anything from jobs to marriages. Some lucky contenders manage to land themselves a stint in their friendly-neighboorhood correctional facility. But usually people can say the most vile things –- like racial slurs – without ever having to face the consequences – an angry mob consisting of the offended.
One group of online users who are interesting to observe in this light are the online gaming community at large. Gaming communities are a little different, and I stress the use of the word “little”. I find that most of the time, the mature adults who like to indulge in online gaming are pretty civil. I believe that this is because in lots of popular online games, players tend to create a virtual representation of themselves through a character. The more time the player invests in the game, the more invested they become in their virtual representation. When one has invested years into a game, one tends to avoid the type of behavior that would get him or her undesirable consequences of reckless behavior. For example, it is common for players who violate Terms of Service (TOS) agreements to have their characters banned from the game. However, not all online gaming services guarantee protection from reckless behavior of players through a TOS agreement.
One example of a popular online gaming service that is more than a little lax on enforcing their TOS is Microsoft’s Xbox Live. This service allows Xbox gamers to connect online and play their favorite games with or against their friends and strangers. Xbox Live is for many different kinds of gamers, from the casual gamers, to the competitive gamers who end up playing games much more like a sport than a hobby. Microsoft rarely bans anyone for social misconduct; they only ban for cheating and hacking. Instead they place the burden of conduct supervision on the gamers. They accomplish this through a system designed to allow players to rate the people they play with as being good or bad players. You can avoid other gamers, or prefer other gamers, but this has no real consequence to the person being rated (outside their interactions with you). Even the most offensive gamers can continue gaming to their heart’s content all while spewing offensive, misogynistic, racial, hateful, and ignorant slurs to anyone they encounter. Even after being rated negatively. This also leads to some shocking, but amusingly offensive gamer tags.
Gamer tags are the handles in which gamers go by on Xbox Live. Think of it as your Xbox Live name. You can some times anticipate an unsavory gamer by their gamer tag. If you find yourself starting a match with someone by the gamer tag of “xxGreasyballsxx” , it is safe to assume you have a potential hooligan in your presence. The “x” in front of the name typically indicates that this person was not the first to think that “Greasyballs” would be an appropriate gamer tag.
In my time on Xbox Live I have tried to reason with these virtual delinquents only to receive unsavory results. One such occasion took place upon my breaching the subject one day, with one rather rowdy young man on Xbox Live. In response to my efforts at communication, he retaliated with a comment about my mother! My mother! Stooping to their level doesn't seem to phase them either. During one match one young woman relentlessly called me racial slur after racial slur, I lost my temper, and found myself without any control over my actions. I told her she sounded like a cow! To which she replied I sounded like a “fat negro.”. The temerity!
Another fallacy of social conduct that one may expect on Xbox Live is the concept sportsmanship. Your teammates can, and will, betray you at any moment allowing the other team to win! I have been shot at by a teammate because they did not appreciate my appearance. I have also been shot at because I found a shotgun, and my teammate wanted it for himself! These instances are not uncommon and
I have decided that the Internet as a whole is no place for any person who requires a sense of social decorum at all times. Xbox live is certainly a reflection of this assertion. In the end, it comes down to two options. Play with friends and family whom you trust, or be prepared to face the wrath of the Internet.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Reflection Paper
No One Ever Told Me I was Gay
Some of the earliest memories that I have of my mother are of her putting on makeup. Her blue mascara, and the aromatic alcohol smell of her hair spray. She was an eighties hair bad girl, and would go to great effort to have as much volume in her hair as possible. She thought it was cute and fashionable to dress me up like her. My mother was proud of how cute I looked in the clothes she bought me.
My mother would put in a video cassette and go out with her friends. I would sit content and watch the cartoon story of princes and princesses and true love with my cousin. My cousin was three years older than me, but she thought she was even older. She would sneak into the bathroom and use my mom's makeup, trying to copy my mother's style.
“I think Prince Eric is really cute. When I grow up, I want to marry some one who looks like him.” My cousin would muse as I watched her daringly spread blue eye shadow over her eyes, half listening, half worried if my mom would be upset if she knew. She would often talk about boys, and even had a subscription to those magazines that featured boys, and other magazines that had tips about makeup, and how to dress attractively. “I want to get married happily ever after, and have two kids. One boy, and one girl. What do you want to do when you grow up?”
“I want to win a Nobel Prize!” I answered excitedly.
“No, no, no...” My cousin responded. “What kind of guy do you want? How many kids?” At the time, I really hadn't thought about it. Pictures of princes, and boys on t.v. flashed through my head, but none of them seemed appealing. “I think you would look good with Zack from Saved from the Bell.” She responded for me. As I grew older I kept trying to find an answer to her question. I would date boys that my friends approved of.
“Wow, Steve is hot. His family is rich too. I can't believe he asked you to the dance!” My friend wooed. A month later I ended things with Steve after a heavy make out session because I really wasn't into him. Meanwhile my mother was surprised I could get dates at all.
“You look like a boy in that out fit, and you would look much better if you wore some makeup.” I didn't understand why it was so important. “You have beautiful thick hair, and you cut it all off. I would kill to have hair like yours!” She continued. “Why don't you wear the cute clothes I bought you?” She wouldn't drop it.
I was seventeen when I met a boy named Lee through some mutual friends. We hung out a couple of times, then he started leaving me love letters.
“He's a really nice guy, good looking, plus he has a car. Why don't you date him?” My friends would ask.
“I don't know...” I thought about it. “I don't hate him, he is a good friend.”
“You guys have a lot in common too! You're perfect for each other!” My friends insisted. “Also, you're eighteen and still a virgin! What are you waiting for?”
Meanwhile Lee got more persistent. His love letters would talk about how I was the only one for him, and that he would kill himself if he couldn't have me. He also claimed I was cold and leading him on. Was he serious? Was I really being harmful towards him? I didn't want him to hurt himself... He was right, I should give him a chance. A year later he asked me to marry him. I was at an Air Force recruiting office, and the recruiters had just finished telling us how much easier life in the military is for couples if you are married.
“Well, what do you think? Should we?” He didn't exactly get down on his knees.
“Oh my gosh, you guys are such a cute couple!!” The recruiter exclaimed. I couldn't help but notice the amount of makeup she was wearing, almost as if she was trying to compensate for the fact that she was wearing olive-drap camouflage. Later that day Lee bought me an engagement ring and broke the news to his parents. My mother gave me jewellery to wear with my wedding dress. I justified it by telling myself that it is just as easy to break up with a fiancé as it is a boyfriend.
“Why don't you like kissing me?” He would often ask during our intimacies. “I feel like you don't like it when I touch you.”
“I just don't like sex.” I explained. “I hate the way it makes me feel.”
“How can you hate it? It is suppose to make you feel good. You say you get off, so are you lying?” When he was talking all I could think about was how disgusted I felt afterwards. He was right, I would orgasm, so what's the problem?
“No...” I hesitated so I could find the right words. “I think it's me. I guess I just don't like sex.”
I wish I could say that was the only problem that plagued our relationship. I can even say that if it was the only problem, then things wouldn't have turned out the way they had. We fought, a lot. About sex, about bills, about everything, but mostly about nothing. We decided to separate. This is when I had the most life changing experience that led to the biggest epiphany of my life.
“Hey, how are you?” She asked over instant message.
“Oh, I'm good. You?” We talked for hours, until out of the blue she asked me a question that was a change of pace from our regular conversation.
“So, uh... I want to tell you some thing really important... and it may seem weird... but I really really want you to know because I think you're a cool person, but I don't want you to think different of me...” She was gay. I remember thinking that her sentence's tone of awkwardness was perfectly complimented by her usage of ellipses.
“Oh, haha, I am cool with that. Don't worry!!” I assured her. “I'm really happy you trust me enough to tell me!”
“Of course I trust you!! But... I also wanted to tell you... that I really really like you...” That's right, she confessed to me. I should have been use to it, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she was a guy. Did I feel giddy? I told her I was straight, but I appreciated her friendship. Truthfully I was excited, and I stayed up all night thinking about the conversation. I babbled at friends about what she said, about who she was.
“You have a crush on her!” Were the words of a friend that made most of the pieces fall in place. After a very confusing while I took her up on her offer, and then the rest of the pieces came together. I learned that there was nothing wrong with me when it came to enjoying sex. That I was interested in dating... the same sex. My family was shocked, but they eventually warmed up to the idea.
“I don't know how I never notice!” I remember my mom saying once afterwards. I don't know how she could have noticed, when I didn't even realize myself. I was too busy living up to the expectations of normality that I never thought I was gay. I hated any sort of intimacy with men so much I never even thought to apply it to women. As for my first girlfriend and I? We had a very rewarding two year long relationship that didn't work out in the end, but we are still very good friends. I haven't dated men since.
Some of the earliest memories that I have of my mother are of her putting on makeup. Her blue mascara, and the aromatic alcohol smell of her hair spray. She was an eighties hair bad girl, and would go to great effort to have as much volume in her hair as possible. She thought it was cute and fashionable to dress me up like her. My mother was proud of how cute I looked in the clothes she bought me.
My mother would put in a video cassette and go out with her friends. I would sit content and watch the cartoon story of princes and princesses and true love with my cousin. My cousin was three years older than me, but she thought she was even older. She would sneak into the bathroom and use my mom's makeup, trying to copy my mother's style.
“I think Prince Eric is really cute. When I grow up, I want to marry some one who looks like him.” My cousin would muse as I watched her daringly spread blue eye shadow over her eyes, half listening, half worried if my mom would be upset if she knew. She would often talk about boys, and even had a subscription to those magazines that featured boys, and other magazines that had tips about makeup, and how to dress attractively. “I want to get married happily ever after, and have two kids. One boy, and one girl. What do you want to do when you grow up?”
“I want to win a Nobel Prize!” I answered excitedly.
“No, no, no...” My cousin responded. “What kind of guy do you want? How many kids?” At the time, I really hadn't thought about it. Pictures of princes, and boys on t.v. flashed through my head, but none of them seemed appealing. “I think you would look good with Zack from Saved from the Bell.” She responded for me. As I grew older I kept trying to find an answer to her question. I would date boys that my friends approved of.
“Wow, Steve is hot. His family is rich too. I can't believe he asked you to the dance!” My friend wooed. A month later I ended things with Steve after a heavy make out session because I really wasn't into him. Meanwhile my mother was surprised I could get dates at all.
“You look like a boy in that out fit, and you would look much better if you wore some makeup.” I didn't understand why it was so important. “You have beautiful thick hair, and you cut it all off. I would kill to have hair like yours!” She continued. “Why don't you wear the cute clothes I bought you?” She wouldn't drop it.
I was seventeen when I met a boy named Lee through some mutual friends. We hung out a couple of times, then he started leaving me love letters.
“He's a really nice guy, good looking, plus he has a car. Why don't you date him?” My friends would ask.
“I don't know...” I thought about it. “I don't hate him, he is a good friend.”
“You guys have a lot in common too! You're perfect for each other!” My friends insisted. “Also, you're eighteen and still a virgin! What are you waiting for?”
Meanwhile Lee got more persistent. His love letters would talk about how I was the only one for him, and that he would kill himself if he couldn't have me. He also claimed I was cold and leading him on. Was he serious? Was I really being harmful towards him? I didn't want him to hurt himself... He was right, I should give him a chance. A year later he asked me to marry him. I was at an Air Force recruiting office, and the recruiters had just finished telling us how much easier life in the military is for couples if you are married.
“Well, what do you think? Should we?” He didn't exactly get down on his knees.
“Oh my gosh, you guys are such a cute couple!!” The recruiter exclaimed. I couldn't help but notice the amount of makeup she was wearing, almost as if she was trying to compensate for the fact that she was wearing olive-drap camouflage. Later that day Lee bought me an engagement ring and broke the news to his parents. My mother gave me jewellery to wear with my wedding dress. I justified it by telling myself that it is just as easy to break up with a fiancé as it is a boyfriend.
“Why don't you like kissing me?” He would often ask during our intimacies. “I feel like you don't like it when I touch you.”
“I just don't like sex.” I explained. “I hate the way it makes me feel.”
“How can you hate it? It is suppose to make you feel good. You say you get off, so are you lying?” When he was talking all I could think about was how disgusted I felt afterwards. He was right, I would orgasm, so what's the problem?
“No...” I hesitated so I could find the right words. “I think it's me. I guess I just don't like sex.”
I wish I could say that was the only problem that plagued our relationship. I can even say that if it was the only problem, then things wouldn't have turned out the way they had. We fought, a lot. About sex, about bills, about everything, but mostly about nothing. We decided to separate. This is when I had the most life changing experience that led to the biggest epiphany of my life.
“Hey, how are you?” She asked over instant message.
“Oh, I'm good. You?” We talked for hours, until out of the blue she asked me a question that was a change of pace from our regular conversation.
“So, uh... I want to tell you some thing really important... and it may seem weird... but I really really want you to know because I think you're a cool person, but I don't want you to think different of me...” She was gay. I remember thinking that her sentence's tone of awkwardness was perfectly complimented by her usage of ellipses.
“Oh, haha, I am cool with that. Don't worry!!” I assured her. “I'm really happy you trust me enough to tell me!”
“Of course I trust you!! But... I also wanted to tell you... that I really really like you...” That's right, she confessed to me. I should have been use to it, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she was a guy. Did I feel giddy? I told her I was straight, but I appreciated her friendship. Truthfully I was excited, and I stayed up all night thinking about the conversation. I babbled at friends about what she said, about who she was.
“You have a crush on her!” Were the words of a friend that made most of the pieces fall in place. After a very confusing while I took her up on her offer, and then the rest of the pieces came together. I learned that there was nothing wrong with me when it came to enjoying sex. That I was interested in dating... the same sex. My family was shocked, but they eventually warmed up to the idea.
“I don't know how I never notice!” I remember my mom saying once afterwards. I don't know how she could have noticed, when I didn't even realize myself. I was too busy living up to the expectations of normality that I never thought I was gay. I hated any sort of intimacy with men so much I never even thought to apply it to women. As for my first girlfriend and I? We had a very rewarding two year long relationship that didn't work out in the end, but we are still very good friends. I haven't dated men since.
Observation Paper Draft
If you spend anytime online interacting with strangers you know that they can be rude and uncouth with little provocations, and for what seems like no reason at all. Or worse, people will be say things they know are morally, and socially unacceptable for the purpose of getting an outraged reaction out of others. I consider myself an “online junkie” and I have from time to time been guilty of both the former and the later. I know that the majority of Internet users are at least guilty of the first unintentionally, and have at least encountered the later once in their online experience. Maturity is thrown out the window, or left in the real world, in all walks of life when it comes to the Internet. I've seen housewives, parents, pet owners, doctors, lawyers, students – the list can go on forever – loose their dignity over text on a screen. I've heard young men screaming into their expensive, and sensitive microphones over an intangible object in a video game.
Let's be honest to ourselves, the Internet is a refuge from a world where one is held accountable for the things they say and do. There are exceptions to this, of course, that happen ever so often where people have incriminated themselves with their social networking web pages costing them their jobs, marriages, or earning themselves jail time. But usually people can say the most vile things - like racial slurs – without ever having to face the consequences – an angry mob consisting of the offended race.
The online gaming community is a little different, and I stress the use of the word “little”. I find that most of the time the mature adults that like to indulge in online gaming are pretty civil, and I stress the use of the word mature. I've believe that this is because they have a virtual representation of themselves, and the more time they invest in the game, the more they care about their virtual reputation. When some one has invested years into a game, they tend to avoid the type of behavior that would get them banned from the game. Of course, like with all things in life, there are always exceptions.
Xbox Live is the service provided by Microsoft that allows gamers to connect their Xbox 360s online and play their favorite games with or against their friends and strangers. Xbox Live is for both casual gamers, who like occasional gaming sessions from their living room, and gamers who consider themselves hard core, and practice to compete in competitions at conventions for the ultimate validation. Microsoft rarely bans anyone for social misconduct, they only ban for cheating and hacking. Instead they rely on the gamer to rate the people they play with. You can avoid other gamers, or prefer other gamers, but this has no real consequence to the person being rated. Even the most offensive gamers can continue gaming to their hearts content spewing misogynistic racial slurs to their hearts content after being rated negatively. This also leads to some shocking, but amusingly offensive gamer tags.
Gamer tags are the handles in which gamers go by on Xbox Live. Think of it as your Xbox Live name. You can some times anticipate an unsavory gamer by their gamer tag. If you start a match and some one with the name “xxGreasyballsxx” joins, it is safe to assume you have a potential hooligan in your presence. The “x” in front of the name indicate that this person was not the first to think that “Greasyballs” would be an appropriate gamer tag.
In my time on Xbox Live I have tried to reason with these virtual delinquents only to receive unsatisfactory results. I breached the subject one day, with one rather rowdy young man, and he replied with a comment about my mother! My mother! Stooping to their level doesn't seem to phase them either. During one match one young woman relentlessly called me racial slur after racial slur, I lost my temper, and found myself without any control over my actions. I told her she sounded like a cow! To which she replied I sounded like a “fat negro”. The temerity!
Another fallacy of social conduct that one may expect on Xbox Live is the lack of sportsmanship. Your teammates can, and will betray you at any moment allowing the other team to win! I have been shot at by a teammate because they did not appreciate my appearance, I have also been shot at because I found a shotgun, and my teammate wanted it for himself!
I have decided that Xbox Live is no place for any person who values any sense of social decorum. Tread at your own risk or play with friends and family whom you trust!
Let's be honest to ourselves, the Internet is a refuge from a world where one is held accountable for the things they say and do. There are exceptions to this, of course, that happen ever so often where people have incriminated themselves with their social networking web pages costing them their jobs, marriages, or earning themselves jail time. But usually people can say the most vile things - like racial slurs – without ever having to face the consequences – an angry mob consisting of the offended race.
The online gaming community is a little different, and I stress the use of the word “little”. I find that most of the time the mature adults that like to indulge in online gaming are pretty civil, and I stress the use of the word mature. I've believe that this is because they have a virtual representation of themselves, and the more time they invest in the game, the more they care about their virtual reputation. When some one has invested years into a game, they tend to avoid the type of behavior that would get them banned from the game. Of course, like with all things in life, there are always exceptions.
Xbox Live is the service provided by Microsoft that allows gamers to connect their Xbox 360s online and play their favorite games with or against their friends and strangers. Xbox Live is for both casual gamers, who like occasional gaming sessions from their living room, and gamers who consider themselves hard core, and practice to compete in competitions at conventions for the ultimate validation. Microsoft rarely bans anyone for social misconduct, they only ban for cheating and hacking. Instead they rely on the gamer to rate the people they play with. You can avoid other gamers, or prefer other gamers, but this has no real consequence to the person being rated. Even the most offensive gamers can continue gaming to their hearts content spewing misogynistic racial slurs to their hearts content after being rated negatively. This also leads to some shocking, but amusingly offensive gamer tags.
Gamer tags are the handles in which gamers go by on Xbox Live. Think of it as your Xbox Live name. You can some times anticipate an unsavory gamer by their gamer tag. If you start a match and some one with the name “xxGreasyballsxx” joins, it is safe to assume you have a potential hooligan in your presence. The “x” in front of the name indicate that this person was not the first to think that “Greasyballs” would be an appropriate gamer tag.
In my time on Xbox Live I have tried to reason with these virtual delinquents only to receive unsatisfactory results. I breached the subject one day, with one rather rowdy young man, and he replied with a comment about my mother! My mother! Stooping to their level doesn't seem to phase them either. During one match one young woman relentlessly called me racial slur after racial slur, I lost my temper, and found myself without any control over my actions. I told her she sounded like a cow! To which she replied I sounded like a “fat negro”. The temerity!
Another fallacy of social conduct that one may expect on Xbox Live is the lack of sportsmanship. Your teammates can, and will betray you at any moment allowing the other team to win! I have been shot at by a teammate because they did not appreciate my appearance, I have also been shot at because I found a shotgun, and my teammate wanted it for himself!
I have decided that Xbox Live is no place for any person who values any sense of social decorum. Tread at your own risk or play with friends and family whom you trust!
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